Obituary of Maxwell Toronto Callard

Maxwell Toronto Callard took his own life in the early hours of Tuesday, May 19, 2015, two days after his 21st birthday. We are devastated. We didn’t see it coming; we have no idea what could have driven someone so loved to decide that his life was not worth living. We are willing to share what we do know. Max was the sweetest, kindest, and most loving person any of us knew. He was also sensitive and empathetic, particularly to those who were facing inequity, large or small. He could tap into others’ sensitivity. As a child, his method to avoid getting into trouble, say, after biting his sister and getting thrown out of church camp (just recently, she admitted that she bit him first), was to look at you with the most sincere expression and say, “I love you.” That would be followed by his signature smile. Let’s just say he wasn’t punished much. It was amazing how someone whose most uttered statement growing up might have been, “how come no one told me?” five minutes after (not) listening to a conversation could sense and empathize with the potential hurtfulness of words and actions against others and himself. His Uncle remembers a time when he said something to his wife in a sharp tone and Max immediately went to her and gave her a hug. His hugs were magic and abundant. In high school, a friend gave him a tee-shirt that said “World’s Best Hugger.” He wore it proudly. Max did not abide intolerance in any form. If he thought that another was acting in a closed-minded way, he didn’t just let it go. Sometimes he tried to enlighten by engaging in thoughtful conversation. Sometimes he simply acknowledged the differences. On more than one occasion Max joked that with a (comparatively) liberal mom and Buddhist dad, his views regularly differed from other Oklahomans. We fear that being sensitive and different in a world that seems increasingly desensitized set him up for this tragedy. As co-captain of his BTW high school swim team and member of the ATO fraternity at OU, where he was in the joint Petroleum Engineering/MBA Program, Max was regularly welcomed into groups but often felt that he didn’t quite fit in. He wasn’t a conformer and wasn’t willing to lose his sense of self to “fit in.” He just wanted to be accepted as he accepted others. In recent years, we have had the honor of watching our silly, goofball Max turning into a man – he had developed a great handshake. He seemed to be thriving and his future was full of promise. We were so proud of him. No one will ever know what caused our beloved Max to believe that just being himself wasn’t enough; our time with Max could never be enough. However, our family takes great comfort in the absolute knowledge that Max knew we loved him, and that he loved us. In lieu of flowers or monetary gifts, we request that you simply take the time to practice consciously the compassion, acceptance, and understanding that so predominated Max’s character. Max is survived by his parents, Amy & David Newsome and Jeff Callard; his siblings and their families: Sofia & Ashton Gacsal and their daughter Samara, Natalia Callard and her daughter Finley, Kyle Callard and her son Harlan, Chris & Lindsey Newsome, Jeff & Erin Newsome and their daughter Layla; loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and all of you that loved him, and them. “You can either be right or you can get along.”